Loving commitments will outlast opposition to gay marriage

Loving commitments will outlast opposition to gay marriage

Loving commitments will outlast opposition to gay marriage
It's hard to understand why many people fear the inevitable recognition of same-sex unions.





October 8, 2007


— It was a surprise for me to learn years ago that one of my male university chums was married to a man, living in Massachusetts and caring for three adopted children. A surprise, I then thought, simply because he had always seemed to be one of the most conservative people I knew. He even wrote with a fountain pen, for goodness sake.

Since then, I have often met him, his partner and kids in nearby Portsmouth, N.H., for lunch or dinner. We have sat along a park near the tranquil Piscataqua River chatting away while their delightful children terrorized every moving thing, pounded on one another and screeched at the top of their lungs. What could be more natural?

Well, for one thing, when the Massachusetts Supreme Court declared in 2003 that the state's ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional, the country went into a tailspin over the issue. This meant that two men or two women must be permitted to marry under the state's constitutional guarantee of due process.

The United States obviously is not unanimously ready to accept two people of the same sex marrying on the same terms as heterosexual couples.

The ensuing melee has included fights in Congress over a federal marriage amendment that would restrict marriage to the union of a man and a woman, a rash of same-sex wedding ceremonies (in many cases violating state laws) and the passage of numerous state bans against such marriages.

The issue is shaking state capitols, Congress and presidential campaigns, as advocates for equal rights for gays and lesbians are battling with socially conservative groups determined to maintain traditional marriage.

Democrats appear to be more sympathetic to the gay community, while Republicans are often allied with the religious right. Polls indicate religion plays a significant role in the opposition.

According to a 2006 survey by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, 56 percent of Americans opposed gay marriage, but for those with a higher level of religious commitment, a whopping 79 percent were opposed. The general public supported civil unions, an alternative legal status identical to civil marriage in all respects other than name, by 54 percent.

Given the wide range of religious faith in our country, I'm reluctant to even go there. But, here I go. We're talking about evangelists, Catholics, Episcopalians, holy rollers and so on. We're also talking about a higher opposition within the African-American clergy.

For example, the Covenant Baptist Church in the Washington, D.C., neighborhood of Anacostia was in an uproar this year after the pastor agreed to conduct gay marriages. Recently, Anglican leaders demanded a pledge that Episcopalians not consecrate another gay bishop, such as Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, or approve official prayers for same-gender couples.

Why is religious faith so much a part of this debate? Whatever happened to the separation of church and state?

I don't have answers to those who might assert that "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Tensions over Bible interpretations are just that, a matter of interpretation. But, from my limited knowledge of any version of the good book, I sense that Jesus was pretty much silent on this issue.

What gives any individual the higher moral ground here? We are talking about two people who profess love to one another and, in many cases, are committed to sharing that love with biological and/or adopted children.

Heterosexual couples have legal protections they often take for granted. For example, they have the right to visit their loved one in a hospital, to exercise control over medical decisions and to share tax, Social Security and other insurance benefits.

Let's face facts. Regardless of any state laws and constitutional amendments, our higher courts will be continually challenged to acknowledge same-sex unions, and with persistence, same-sex unions will ultimately be recognized nationwide.

Why do so many fear this inevitability? Why do they thump their Bibles as a last resort? When I see my friends, I marvel at their vigilance and their love of their children. It is their love that keeps them strong and I have no doubt that it matches that of any committed heterosexual couple.

In this divided, contentious world, we cannot afford to let ourselves use personal bias or hatred to deny everyone their legal and, yes, moral rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."



Leigh Donaldson is a Portland writer. He can be contacted at:

leighd@lycos.com